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By: Brittany Cohn
When I was a baby, I had such bad eczema I would scream in pain any time my mom tried to put clothes on me. By the time I turned 18, my eczema developed into psoriasis. I started seeing countless doctors, seeking and trying treatment after treatment to no avail. At my lowest point, I would drive to the hospital and stand in a light box four times a week, then go home and slather ointment all over my body. I would sit in it for hours, letting the thick ointment seep into my skin, ruining whatever I was wearing. I was miserable.
In my early twenties, I was so self-conscious about my psoriasis and my body. I remember when my friends would go to the beach, I would casually exclude myself, not wanting to be caught dead in shorts, let alone a bikini. In social situations, I would get nervous thinking about what other’s thought about my psoriasis. Especially in an intimate setting, so dating was something I just completely opted out of. This kind of self-isolation definitely led me to a lonely place. Luckily for me, as I got treatment my self-confidence grew and I started being more social.
When I was 25, I went on a trip to Hawaii. While at the pool, I was approached by a man who asked me about my condition. Assuming he would say something like “is that contagious?’ I was uninterested. We finally got to talking, when he told me that he was a dermatologist himself, and while he didn’t specialize in psoriasis, he knew someone who did. He gave me a referral to a dermatologist in New Jersey and I immediately made an appointment as soon as I got home. He referred me to Dr. Bagel, who immediately helped me find a treatment that worked for me and I couldn’t be happier. For the past 5 years, I’ve been taking an injectable medicine called Stelara, which has worked tremendously for me. While I don’t experience many of its side effects, Stelara is still a heavy duty medicine that can lower your immune system. From taking it, I often get colds, or a bit of swelling around the injection site, but it’s a trade off that I’m definitely willing to make. I still see Dr. Bagel to be treated.
I consider psoriasis a type of disfigurement. Disfigurement means something so personal to me because it means that from a societal standpoint, I’m different. As a woman living with psoriasis, I try to embrace that difference instead of looking at it as a negative. To me disfigurement is a topic of conversation and a way to bring others, like myself, together.
Psoriasis is definitely a big part of my identity. Psoriasis affects my day-to-day activities from what outfits I choose to wear to even when I decide to socialize. But I like to think it’s one small part that makes up the whole of me.
When my psoriasis flares up, I always find myself working to fight off feelings of low self-esteem, which is so draining. If I stress too much, my psoriasis gets worse and I end up in this vicious cycle of ups and downs, so I have to work hard to keep my emotions balanced. Having a support group of women to share with and connect with through psoriasis has been a gift and has helped to fend off low self-esteem. A few of my friends and I call ourselves “psoriasisters” because it’s something that bonds us on a deep and emotional level that we can share. It’s been so wonderful to find a connection through our struggles and help encourage one another to overcome them.
Brittany Cohn is a photographer and art director. Her psoriasis journey has helped her build the confidence to appear in front of the camera and often works as an influencer shooting self-portraits for various swimwear companies. Follow her @somegirlbrittany
If you want to know more about this skin condition, visit psoriasis.org
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